Toys

In my living room - not the designated playroom - I have the following large toys:

* blue Cookie Monster singing thing
* pink pony
* bouncing zebra
* supermarket scanner (what one-year does not know how to scan groceries?)
* ball popping thing, ironically, with only one ball
* pink caterpillar singing thing
* LULU, the well worn and loved singing octopus
* a green box of books
* a 31 bag of smaller toys (you know those 31 parties? the biggest, stand-alone bag they sell? that one.)

Of all these toys, I purchased none, registered for none, and most certainly love none. (Maybe LULU and some of the books).

I don't think my kids love these toys. Why do I have these toys?

Here is one situation:

Baby C.J. plays with her zebra, bouncing up and down - giggling, really showing off.

Za wants to play but knows not to take her sister off the zebra. She asks, or whines until I suggest, to get another singing/riding/huge toy. She gets the pink pony from the playroom.

Ty comes along and even though he is older, wants a noisy toy of his own. He settles for the large Cookie Monster monstrosity.

In possible answers to such a situation, do I:

a. Make the kids take turns on the one zebra, even though they are all kinda baby-ish and then feel guilty because the older two want the "oos" and "ahhs" that accompany C.J. bouncing on her zebra.
b. Settle them with a book or smaller toy which they cannot hear because of the zebra.
c. Let them figure it out.

I'm sure all choices bring pros and cons to the parenting bit, but my main concern is this:

I am tired of these toys.

Yeah, I know "someday" I'll look at a clean floor and sigh, knowing my kids are no longer kids.

That day just isn't today, and I wonder if I'm the only one.

Do I Buy the Gloves?

It's cold outside! 

Ty and Za are taking hats and gloves to school for recess time. Not a big deal for adults - huge deal for kids.

 First, WHY can they not take the gloves and hats off together? I have shown them (and seen Za's preschool teacher show her) to take the gloves off, put them in the hat, and put the hat in the coat's hood or arm. Somehow, apparel ends up in different parts of the house, even different levels of the house.

 This raises two parenting questions:

1. Do I stand by the front door, and remind each child to keep their gear together? For how long? I know the kids are young and need reminding and examples, but really, how. long. I am happy to give them instructions, but at what point am I babying them too much? I want to use everyday events as teaching moments. This seems perfect, but it's just not.

2. What is the natural consequence for forgetting hats and gloves? Should it be, you don't have warm hands and a head at school? That bothers me, because I don't want little kids outside uncomfortable, or getting a headache or chapped skin. I want to teach the kids to be responsible, have a natural consequence, and keep their belongings organized.

I thought about this conundrum in the shower. Later as I wrote a grocery list, I added gloves. Our grocery store normally has little seasonal items, like kid gloves. Then I scratched it off the list.

Now I'm writing a blog post about it. Do I buy backup gloves for when we cannot find one, so we always have another pair to grab? Am I reinforcing disorganization by buying the second pair of gloves?

 AND, most of all, am I reading too much into this event?

Which Half Works?

I'm a quote person. I design and sell thinking/inspirational/funny quotes for classrooms. I get a daily quote in my email. Quotes make me think. One of my favorites is about advertising, by John Wanamaker: "I know half the money I spend on advertising is wasted, but I can never find out which half." It might be a bit tongue in cheek, but he's right: everything a marketing strategist creates and everything a business owner spends money on may not sell something.It's funny and sarcastic. The product might be bad, or the advertising didn't work as intended. Eh, so much for business and consumers - now I've analyzed this quote into parenting. What if only half of what I do sticks? I'm not concerned about wasting my time, I'm worried about messing up this important job. It just that they mean everything and I know that I'll screw up. Some days it overwhelms me, and that maybe only some of it will stick.

Nerve-wracking, really.

Name Calling

A friend with a baby girl C.J.'s age asked me the other day if it bothered me when people say nonsensical-girl-focused phrases. It does, and we made a verbal list:

* She's got that girl sass down!

* Ooooo confused? You'd better marry well!

* Is that lady-like?

* You don't want to get dirty, do you?

These are the worst offenders that I've had directed at one of my girls. Why is my little girl sassy? Worried about marriage? What does "lady-like" even mean, because I think everyone has a different definition. And getting dirty? What should she do? Sit under a tree with her hands folded?

I've explained to Za that she must be kind and nice, but I try not to name-call in this way, and I don't stick her in a stereotyped box labeled "proper girl behavior."

My friend doesn't have any little boys, but I told her the male-focused phrases are just as offensive: 

* Big boy, crying!

* You can't wear that! 

* Don't play with that. 

* Here, you need to know how to do_____.  (Especially excluding girls on said lesson).

* You don't want to play with yucky boys! (Said to girls). 

I despise these comments. Little kids live up to expectations and if we tell little girls that boys are "yucky," both sexes may believe it. If we tell little girls not to get dirty (and thus minimizing exploration and curiosity), both sexes may believe that females need to act a certain way. 

And where does that lead? Maybe to a society that turns males and females against each other, one that excludes certain people because they don't fit into a gender specific box, one that ignores the beauty both sexes bring to situations, in different forms, in a multitude of ways. 

Do any comments drive you batty? (I particularly dislike referring to my girls as "all sass," for example). 

Reading and Snuggles

I read snuggled up to the kids. I kiss them, play with their hair, and pat them. We lay together in bed or on the couch, cuddled with a blankie. 

Reading to the baby. 

Does the love and relaxed environment contribute to a positive attitude about reading? What about the physical love ? 

If so, what happens when children primarily learn to read from a teacher who cannot snuggle and brush hair? Does it matter at all?

Dealing With Disappoinment

It's part of life. Some things stink.

Last Wednesday, the 31st, is the day baby C.J. landed in the hospital. We had been at the doctor earlier that week and were giving her an antibiotic. Wednesday was a bad day - sick baby and older kids who could not leave the house. I couldn't take a feverish baby out, but they were bored. They were patient, but antsy.

That Wednesday, I told Ty and Za, we will take C.J. back to the doctor (to be checked) and then run by the library. I even contacted the library to see what time they closed because July 31st is a big deal for the summer reading program kids - the last day to report books. We were going to make it in time.

We never made it to the library though because we were at the hospital. We came home with a groggy baby days later who still did not feel great.

We made it to the library yesterday, a week too late. I knew it was late. I told the kids that before we went inside. I explained that the library had rules, we had read our next set of books but did not get them recorded on time. We would talk to the librarian, and we would see what would happen. I wanted them to behave and if they were sad, they could tell me when we left.

And that is what happened. We left the library without our final book prizes because we did not get them recorded in time. We got to the van, and Ty and Za were pretty sad.

I try to make the summer reading program a big deal. I talk it up, act excited about reading the books. I am excited and I want my kids to treasure reading. That's what I told them too - that they read 45 books this summer (the library awards prizes at 15 and 30 books so we did get two sets of rewards) and that is impressive.

Actually, we read more than 45 books this summer. I built them up again. I told them I was proud of them for not throwing a fit. I was proud of them for telling me their feelings, that they were sad and that they understand that C.J. had to go to the hospital and that was more important than recording the books.

I drove home. It's a lesson in dealing with disappointment, I said over and over again in my head.

Still.

The librarian did not seem to care. I think she thought I was lying, even when I offered to show her surgical stitches on my baby. She was so disinterested, I didn't even pull out the hospital paperwork to show her that I had brought in. She didn't seem interested.

I understand part of that. I had students and parents lie to me when I taught, and it frustrated me to no end. Perhaps the librarian had been warding off people who wanted to record their late books. I see that point of view. She thought I was another liar.

But! Hospital stays? funerals? extenuating circumstances? I worked with that - and always used those exact examples to tell my students I would work with them, if only they alerted me.

I don't think the awards from the library are unforgettable. Last year the kids each got a bag and both are already ripped. I think they wanted their final 15 books recognized. They finished the program and wanted their hometown library (that their mom builds up) to be proud of them.

I think that in 2013 as kids head back to school, librarians could perhaps take into account that many kids do not enjoy reading, that many kids sat at home all summer and watched television, that many parents did not take their kids to the library to check out books, that many parents do not read to their children.

My kids learned a lesson in dealing with disappointment. I did too.

Learning Everywhere

When do humans learn?

I have always thought that humans learn everywhere, all the time. Humans learn the good and the bad - learning how to treat others and how to live life. Little humans learn to think about themselves and interact with children and adults. We adapt to societal norms and take caution in new surroundings.

And that is just mimicking behavior. Some of my biggest life lessons came not from books, but from experience. Not even "work" experience - just interacting with strangers, watching the news, looking at my children. If I think to my core, what I believe about life and society, I did not directly form those beliefs from "book learning."

And then studying to be a teacher, research reiterated the idea that students would learn indirectly from teachers (from your habits, your tone, your attitude, your organization, etc.).

I never realized that some people think what people do during their "down time" is not teaching something.

I wonder if humans learn all the time, aren't we learning a lesson by what we choose to spend spare time doing, and by what those activities directly teach us?

Our minds never shut off. Every opportunity presents itself to teach, or to learn. I'm not thinking algebra or phonics either - just a moment to reinforce that we are fair to all people, or that we treat others with respect.

Or am I wrong? Do people believe that teaching, not just book lessons but life lessons, starts and stops at a certain time?

Aren't we always learning?

That Jealous Feeling

You know how it happens, so simple, doing an innocuous part of your day.

I took Augie (our beagle/pointer/mutt) outside this morning. I was shivering and watching him do his business when a car slowly drove by us. I looked up, only to see a pretty lady applying lipstick with a steady hand and manicured nails. She had on a dress coat. Her hair was stylish. Of course that is all I could see, but I imagined the rest:

She wore pantyhose, a skirt, and high heels. She was on time for work, she was well-rested, and probably had an expensive briefcase on her well-vacuumed seat next to her. Before she went to buy her morning coffee (black, no cream or sugar), she would slip on gloves that matched her coat. She would head to work, have important meetings, and send emails people would hurriedly answer.

Of course this is just my nonsense running away. I don't know this woman.  

I've returned to work and gone back to being a SAHM.I have been in the trenches in both worlds. I accurately can depict the positives and negatives from both experiences. Why, then, do I get jealous when I stand in the front yard, a whole day of snuggling my kids at home unfolding, when I see others going off to work?

I believe the work of a SAHM (or dad) is important. When I taught I saw so many kids who hated to learn, hated to read, hated to study. They had no desire to be a life-long learner - a trait educators will tell you is needed in such a complicated world. I felt the best way to work with my children was to stay home with them. It's been a long, thought out decision!

So why did the woman bother me today?

SAHM successes are important, and their value will show in our children.  (Or at least how we handle our trying experiences).

Learning from Unstructured Play

Children will learn from any situation.

We had a rare and gorgeous December day recently. It was sunny, like the finale of autumn was saying good-bye before rainy, icy winter arrives. I took Ty and Za outside for playtime while C.J. napped. They played in the dirt and added water. We went through several wardrobe changes because of wet knees and mud-caked shoes.

Car "zooming."

Collecting.

Doing what big brother does.

I believe children learn from every situation. This makes me nervous because I want to be a good example, but I also try to seize upon this fact to instill small life lessons as we go through our days. (These are the ones kids remember the most anyway, aren't they?)

Unstructured play allows kids to think, without rules, media, noise. It also leads to team building, like siblings partnering and digging in your back yard for buried pirate treasure:

Unstructured play. Messy clothes. Buried pirate treasure. Happy childhood memories.

Teachng Complex Ideas

Since children are products of their environments, should parents expose them to a variety of complex concepts while they are young, perhaps frequently, to minimize they perceived difficulty when they are older?

Learning this is overwhelming to me. But is it to kids?

That sounds silly, but I've observed a few instances where it might make sense.

Ty and Za sometimes watch "Martha Speaks." As we watched yesterday, the characters causally used the terms "noun and "adjective." The characters defined them too. I highlighted that, and told Ty and Za that was what I teach. They nodded, not thinking much of these concepts, which are perceived as difficult by older students. I explained a few other grammatical terms, and they didn't pay much attention to me.

A few hours later, I was working on a lesson plan for verbs. Za wanted to know what I was doing, and I told her "verb phrases." She responded, "like 'don't break'?" I couldn't believe it. (Sure she included an adverb, but she's three, so I was excited). I told her yes, exactly like that.

These two separate observations happened really close together, which made me wonder. As a high school English teacher, my students stare at me with "why do you hate us?"-eyes when we discuss grammar. Grammar is really just the words that we speak and read though. They find it difficult, and foreign. Those grammatical terms, they are difficult for older students to understand.

What if these terms were just natural parts of kids' environments? My kids probably are more exposed to language arts terms since I use them very naturally, just as doctors' kids use the correct anatomical terms, or photographers' kids know the difference between memory card sizes.

For years I have heard that teaching children foreign languages should happen at a young age. Is that the situation with everything, or just perceived difficult concepts? Are all concepts difficult, or all simple? Do we expose kids to everything, hoping some of sticks, or hoping that it doesn't intimidate them when they are older?

Or is it a bit of all that?

Sports Are Not Important

Of all the nastiness the Sandusky scandal has exposed about our American society's misdriven values, this may be the slightest: sports are not important. 

Penn State's disregard for human safety or cover-up for a skilled football coach emphasizes that winning at a game trumps education, or heck, human ethics.

Relying on sports for income or fame rots educational institutions and eventually society. It happened on a large scale at Penn State, but don't disillusion yourself: it trickles down into our nation's high schools. The worship of sports goes beyond college football, especially now as the Olympics play out.

My congressman, Aaron Schock, introduced The Olympic Tax Elimination Act. Why? Because these athletes (whose training is their job, who are heavily rewarded, and who voluntarily chose a profession where the risks outweigh the possible reward) deserve it? Who deserves such a break? Surely in our society with lagging test scores and busting prisons, surely - the answer cannot be athletes.

Just as Penn State's administrators and Congressman Aaron Schock know, Americans will pay big bucks for entertainment, and this shows what a country values. The idea that entertainment, that having fun is the main goal in life, will not sustain us. At one point, hard work was the only way to survive. Without impending starvation or death, people now take it easy - relax - sit back, for a continual and passive flow of entertainment. The price for valuing sports above education and safety is evident, and heavily documented.

Before heading to the comment section and accusing me of "not getting it" - let me assure you I do. I have sat in the stands as a proud teacher and sister, and many years ago, stood close to the action as a pep band member and cheerleader. I understand the power of a crowd, the rush and connectedness when your team triumphs. I have never failed to stop and watch when my country's anthem plays while an athlete stands atop the podium. Honoring people who set records in their fields - whose work has paid off - is a nice aspect of American culture.

I have also listened to students give speeches about coaches who taught them never to give up. I've seen the same students apply strong work ethics to class work. Young children learn valuable social skills and healthy exercise behaviors. Sports have benefits. They are not meant to be the big picture, however, but rather a small part of the development of children - who ultimately shape our society.

Athletes are not paid to be role models. They are paid to run fast, throw a ball into a hoop, or twirl. Giving them statues or tax breaks emphasizes the message that sports are what our culture values. A small tribute is appropriate; what athletes actually receive is inappropriate.

I can't imagine placing the success of a football team ahead of young men's physical and mental health. I also can't explain to my children why our congressman wants to emphasize the importance of athletes over real role models. Adults should look past Sunday nights and the fleeting thrill of record breaking events to find what will better their children. Valuing the cheap and veneer shapes landfills, not futures.

Sports are extra - not the purpose in education. We hold such potential to teach our youth values - values in education, kindness, giving, God, clean living - anything that betters their lives and our society. Placing athletes above real role models, giving them passes, providing tax breaks is dangerous. The evidence is in our youth.

Messy Learning

Learning is messy. I always stress that to my students, especially when writing. I think students have this idea that professional writers sit down to a computer, type, and print. This, of course, is silly. I still always remind my students that any part of the learning process is messy - the rearranging of ideas, the stumbling we do on our way to remembering, everything.

Perhaps the age has something to do with it. My high school students want neat projects - the first time! My younger children, Ty and Za, have very few problems making messes while learning.

This is not a toppled book shelf. This is a ramp for cars, and Ty spent some time figuring out how he could eliminate the bumps the books caused.

They learn by making messes. It would never occur to them to try a new task and not create a disaster. They dig, they discover, they search. And all of that is messy. They are also inquisitive, and naturally curious about learning everything; WHY is their favorite question.

Again, vehicle study. Ty wanted to connect his vehicles, and he tried a variety of items to tie them together: a vacuum cord, plastic hanger, and cloth bag.

My older students, I want them like this. They are not though. They avoid messes and get frustrated if a project goes out of line. Sometimes teachers encourage that behavior - keeping everything neat and contained.

Ty and Za pretending the entertainment center is an ATM, and the papers from my new notebook are cash. Later when I cleaned, I realized they had crammed coins in there as well.

I'm not encouraging disasters. I get terribly frustrated with my messy house. I even get frustrated with a messy classroom. Children, no matter the age, should clean up after themselves. Students should listen, especially because some messes can be dangerous (chemistry lab?).

I do wonder however if one problem with older children's waning excitement about learning lies in the suppressing of messes, the discouraging of them.

Za was not easily discouraged when I told both of them to cut it out, and then collected the pages of my new notebook. Ty obediently went away, but the younger child? She kept pretending.

"Messiness"is part of the learning process. Randy Pausch encouraged "parents to let their children draw on the bedroom walls — where the young Randy Pausch painted a quadratic equation, a rocket, an elevator and, from one of his favorite stories, Pandora’s box." I won't follow that advice completely, but hopefully I am less restrictive when my children are making messes, and learning.

Gardening Lessons: When Your Garden's A Flop

This year my husband and I planted a huge garden. (Huge by our standards. Other people might call it a "beginner" garden). We had some vegetables in the ground, others in pots.

Our onions were a pretty big flop. The kids always wanted to pick them and they never got to experience the satisfaction from really gathering onions into a bunch.

I planted the garden for a variety of reasons. It would force us to be outside, engaging the kids' naturalistic intelligences. Lots of our work with that intelligence focus on recycling - which is great, but I wanted to purposely expand.

Then I had the opportunity to write about my family garden and gardening activities with kids. I was thrilled since I was paid to write about an activity I had already planned. I wrote about the good and the bad of my gardening experience.

The finished garden - all ready to grow!

Most importantly I also wanted to have vegetables ready for my family to eat. I wanted healthy food that my kids helped plant and then watched grow. I wanted them to know where food came from and I wanted them to appreciate the hard work that a garden requires.

Ty adding dirt for the herb container.

We learned all that. We also learned the lesson of failure. Because despite all our efforts and rule-following, our garden was, overall, a flop.

We experienced disappointment in waves. Some of our plants were brown or gone - ruined by the sun and animals. Other times the plants never grew. Then we had moderate success with the tomatoes. Only a few turned red, but we had a bumper crop of green ones. The carrots grew funny. The only plants that were/ hugely successful were the jalapenos, and my four and two year old just do not hugely care for them.

So what do you do with this large project that took up so much time and largely failed? You discuss patience and effort. (I hope that's what you do. That's what I'm doing). Ty wants to know when he gets to pick red tomatoes and why we never canned any. His father and I have been reiterating for quite a few days now that we tried to grow red tomatoes, but they just didn't turn red very well. Sometimes when you want something, it doesn't happen even though you put lots of effort into the project. And sometimes even mommy and daddy have no good reason why something didn't turn out very well.

Yes, I'm really bummed about the garden. (I really wonder what I did wrong!) My kids are too, which of course makes me want to fix it. It's such a small problem compared to the ones I know they'll face in future years, which is why I'm trying to use it as an organic conversation piece. Next spring when we plan the garden again, we will make accommodations to hopefully fix what went wrong. It will be a lesson in patience and effort for us all.

Wonder Why Wednesday Fair Play

My children do not play fairly. I walk into the living room to see tears, torn books, and ruined puzzles. Such a situation is not shocking or new to any parent. I just crave some inkling of what to do.

Ty (age 4) speaks very well. His sister, Za (age 2), speaks pretty well. When a fight breaks out, I don't know how to solve it. Ty has one story and Za cannot convey hers completely. I don't think my son is a liar, but I do think young children interpret occurrences from a young child's perspective - which is pretty skewed, just because of minimal experiences. As I allow myself to do every Wednesday, I got to more wondering:

• Do I need to solve their problems? At what line do I stop solving problems? Physical abuse? Verbal abuse? Tears?
• If I do solve their problems, am I smothering them? Scholastic has some decent tips, but I still have different ages. I want to provide opportunities for problem-solving, without minimizing either child's emotions that stem from the situation.
• Am I taking "sides" more with one child more than the other? I don't want to be swayed by Ty's verbal explanation, or by Za's tears. I don't want a traumatic experience that in ten years makes them think I greatly favored another one.

So I wonder this Wednesday, basically, how to parent. This is a simple parenting problem, faced by parents since kids fought over who would sit on which side of the outside fire and who would carry water from the well. Although it is common, I will take advice on encouraging fair play among my children.

Working With Kids Under Your Feet

I wonder why I fight working with my kids under my feet, and after thinking about it today I am going to stop it.

It is difficult. I sweep the kitchen floor, they mess up the pile. I mop the kitchen floor, they get it muddy. I vacuum the living room, they destroy the playroom. I spend most of my days cleaning, organizing, or sweeping. It stinks, but the alternative to a disastrous house is stinkier.

Not my house-way too neat to be here.

It is part of my life and my kids' daily routine, their mom keeping the house picked up. Aside from daily tidings, I also have the yucky bathrooms and laundry-type-ish-larger-projects. Outside, I clear out leaves from under the deck, scrape cobwebs, and sort the recycling. It is not glamorous, but unless you have hired help, you do it too.

Once upon a time, I thought that I needed to keep the kids away while I did these chores. Then the house got messier; as they got bigger, so did their messes. They stopped taking naps. I was going to have to clean into the night. I wanted to read to them during the day. Play board games. Anything but clean with them. It became inevitable that I would need to clean with my kids under my feet.

And that is ok because I can teach them while I sweep, just in different ways from the board games and books. Cleaning with my children under my feet teaches them:

1. Cleaning is real life. Real life is hard and you have to clean up the messes in it. The kids see me sweat when I sweep, and see me figure out how to get marker off the couch: problem-solving skills.

2. The kids help clean. I believe kids should have freedom from adult responsibilities, but they need to know how to clean up after themselves. Ty can pick up his cars and Za can pick up her plastic slinky collection. It's a balance thing.

3. My behavior is an example for my kids. This is a given with parenting, all of the time, but it really trickles down to small tasks like cleaning too. Getting frustrated with menial activities is a poor examples. Shipping them off to the couch when I want to vacuum a small spot, another poor example. Working together - someone getting the dustpan while another wipes the table? Ahhh, teachable mommy moment.

Cleaning and scrubbing the house is an everyday part of life, and I am now going to do it with my children under my feet.

Photo Credit

Wonder Why Wednesday: Cheating Time

I wonder why (this Wednesday) how I am going to manage not cheating my second child out of time. I already know that this happens and I knew it would before Za was born. When she was a newborn, I did not sit and stare at her for the hours that I did with Ty. She got put in her bouncy seat so I could fix him lunch. I asked less questions at the pediatrician's office not necessarily because I knew more, but because I was too tired to write the questions down or remember them.

Baby Za feet.

I see this difference of time spent so clearly in their baby books. Ty's is thick with details, stories, journaling, and pictures. Za's, well, I wanted to do this section of her baby toes and fingers and I have just now realized that while I took pictures of her feet, I forgot to take them of her hands.

How do I stop this from happening? Why does it happen? Am I really that tired that the first child had so much more than the second? (And why did I not take pictures of her newborn hands after I took them of her feet?!)

I understand that no two children have the same experiences but I wonder why I cannot remember to do the extras for my second child. I realize that I am not forgetting important aspects, like feeding or reading, but it is those little extras that children so often remember, that make childhood the special time it is. Those extras are not always happening, and I wonder why and how I can fix it.

Wonder Why Sunday: Dependent Learners

I'm rambling today--lots of questions pouring out faster than I can type them. Feel free to comment and my readers and I can examine this together. 

Last week, I wrote about high school students transitioning to college students. I was inspired by Brian Harke's article, and this blog is in response to his latest post, High School to College Transition, Part Two: Academic Expectations. (It is a solid article with nice ideas, for all parents of future college students).

I'm not going to reiterate the entire post, or analyze its entirety either. One part stood out to me, and I kept rereading it. Right away, Dr. Harke discusses the manner in which freshman enter college. He says:

High schools often reinforce these expectations [that college will be like high school] by unwittingly allowing students to enter college as dependent learners rather than independent learners. I say this not to place blame, but to recognize that up to this point most students have had teams of people supporting them, keeping track of their academic progress and looking out for their best interests. Since this has been their norm for 12 years, new college students are often at a loss when faced with the reality that it is up to them to manage their academic independence.

I liked that he said "I say this not to place blame" because blaming others for a large problem diverts attention from actually solving the problem. I agree with Dr. Harke. College, trade school, or a job requires people be independent learners. Can you imagine showing up to work and the boss saying, "Did you read the manual? Nope? No time? OK, I'll give you some time today." That does not happen, and I wonder why it does in high school.

I can't imagine that, and I know that never happened to me as an undergraduate, and my goodness, never as a graduate student. It probably shouldn't happen in high school either, especially if teachers are training students for a big world they will enter in four years or less. High school teachers do that, though. I've done that. I have enabled students to stay dependent learners instead of growing as independent learners. Why?

When I entered teaching, I knew not to do that. I just finished college where research and professors told us to give students an assignment or a consequence, and follow through. I started my teaching career with the idea to follow through and stay consistent. And then a few things happened.

Parents, guidance counselors, other teachers, and administrators called me. They came to visit. They were concerned about grades. Many times, parents asked me: when did I plan to offer extra credit? remediation? opportunities to turn in late work? drop lower scores from earlier in the semester? print off my notes because a student "lost" his? print off missing homework? None of my college professors or research studies told me what to when I encountered this. I thought those suggestions were terrible, but I did them (some of them, not all of them).

You can only imagine why I did them, something that probably doesn't need to be written, but it was pressure from everyone. Over years of teaching, I saw this happen countless times: coworkers and community pushed teachers into breaking their rules. It really does create a stream of dependent learners--those who think others are responsible for their education, that they should rely on others to play the active role, to care the most. Some teachers don't give notes clearly enough, some won't accept late work. Teachers won't plan their tests with other teachers so students don't have too many in one day. All of these concerns? What is a teacher to do about them? They come at teachers everyday. Is this what parents want? Some of them do, and when the others hear what some are getting, well, they want it too.

Which leads me to this very large question: Are schools what parents and society want them to be, just like they are? To be cynical, I could say that fried foods made with white flour and nothing fresh is part of our school system. I could also look at kids sleeping in classes and being passed from one grade level to the next when they should repeat. Is it full of 'A papers' that should be rewrites, or 'Ds'? Going back to the theme of dependent learners, are parents and society creating dependent learners? Is this what they asked for, what they paid for, and what they got?

From a trustful, and perhaps inexperienced view, walking through a high school's hall, you would expect see teachers grading papers, bent over students' desks, or researching an original lesson plan. Students would be working, behaving, trying, attentive, and awake. This is probably what everyone wants and sure, this image happens sometimes.

Which image happens more, the first or second? (How many dependent learners go to college? How many independent? Those answers should provide more clues as to the realistic image).

It is upsetting, especially because that first image is never what I had in my mind when I started teaching, and it probably isn't what other teachers envisioned, or even society and parents. It is what happens though, and it molds these dependent learners Dr. Harke mentions.What are we parents and members of society going to do? What do you want to do?

Wonder Why Wednesday: Chutes and Ladders

Ty, my three-year old, asked to play "Chutes and Ladders" with me today. We got the game, sat down to play, and reviewed the rules.

I find innumerable teaching moments when we play board games:

1.  We review rules, which works his memory.

2. We have to follow rules, a life skill.

3. We take turns and use niceties as we play.

4. It takes patience, because these preschool games take quite a bit of time.

5. We finish what we start.

So, number 5 did not really happen today, and as usual, I am wondering if I did the right thing.

Ty wanted to disregard the spinning-number part of the game. He wanted to climb ladders and go down chutes. I told him that was fine, but then we were not playing and he could just mess around with the board. This resulted in a screaming crying fit. I stood my ground, but should I have modified the rules, just once?

I wonder, because he is only three. He is small. He wanted to have fun. Is one game of Chutes and Ladders that impressionable for the rest of his life?

I wonder, because what I do matters. I want him to understand rules and know that consistently his father and I enforce them. I want him to know we don't cheat (even though that probably wasn't his intention).

I want him to be happy and know that I love him. I want him to be prepared for life, for me to give him as best a handbook as I can. I just always wonder if I do.

Wonder Why Wednesday: High School to College

Time and time again as a high school teacher, I have students return to see me, often for lunch or a quick Facebook chat. After talking for a bit, many casually mention they have left college. I always wonder why.

I believe there are many paths to success. Sometimes I send off students to college shaking my head, because I know he or she does not have the drive, nor the academic skills to stay there. Other times, I do wonder if some of my college dropouts were really gems, just covered in soot, that nobody took the time to dust.

How do we Americans have this problem of college freshman performing so poorly that they leave? Does society expect too many people to attend college? Is college for everyone? Do parents send kids to college with little help?

I read "High School to College Transition, Part I: The Freshman Myth" yesterday. This article built off these questions I always wonder. In it, Brian Harke wrote for the Huffington Post:

...college is one of the biggest transitions a person will make. Therefore, it only makes sense to focus more attention on high school to college transition.

I agree. Harke mentioned several other ways this should happen, such as counselors helping students (at the high school level) and colleges helping at (of course) the college level. Most importantly, he wrote about healthy dialogues that parents should have with their children. As a high school teacher, I see so many parents that think their influence with their teenagers is nil. It isn't, and discussing college in a realistic way will shape students' views and attitudes upon arrival on campus. After all, as Harke so truthfully stated about college:

The students have already arrived with ideas and perceptions about college that are often more romanticized notions than accurate reflections of college life - ideas created by admissions brochures, a campus visit, stereotypes in the media and stories from family or friends. This leaves many new students struggling to adjust to their new environment.

I "went away" to college my junior year. I remember sitting in my dorm room, wondering what to do. I had new towels, a clean room, and a loaded laundry card. I ate some Ramen noodles because I knew that people in college "survived on those" -- whatever that meant. I don't even think I was hungry. I simply did not know what to do. I wonder how many of my students feel that way. I was lucky, figured it out, and graduated. I took plenty of wrong turns and could have quit or "taken a semester off" as so many of my former students word it. When a student tells me of leaving college, I always return to that feeling of eating Ramen noodles, even though I wasn't hungry.

Harke promises to continue writing about the transition from high school to college, and we probably should too. So... what were your expectations when you went to college? How will you help your child make realistic goals and expectations for college? Do you already talk to your child about college? What is a good age to start? What do you talk about? Anything else I left out?

Getting "It"

And, if you can tell by my lack of posts, I'm struggling again with this SAHM gig. I don't know how to balance the kids wanting food every two seconds, Ty mad because I'm holding Za, writing, blogging, doing laundry, doing dishes, scrubbing floors, showering, exercising, changing diapers, helping go potty, reading, kissing, shopping, and such.

I wonder if I'll ever get it.