Ty (age 4) speaks very well. His sister, Za (age 2), speaks pretty well. When a fight breaks out, I don't know how to solve it. Ty has one story and Za cannot convey hers completely. I don't think my son is a liar, but I do think young children interpret occurrences from a young child's perspective - which is pretty skewed, just because of minimal experiences. As I allow myself to do every Wednesday, I got to more wondering:
- Do I need to solve their problems? At what line do I stop solving problems? Physical abuse? Verbal abuse? Tears?
- If I do solve their problems, am I smothering them? Scholastic has some decent tips, but I still have different ages. I want to provide opportunities for problem-solving, without minimizing either child's emotions that stem from the situation.
- Am I taking "sides" more with one child more than the other? I don't want to be swayed by Ty's verbal explanation, or by Za's tears. I don't want a traumatic experience that in ten years makes them think I greatly favored another one.
So I wonder this Wednesday, basically, how to parent. This is a simple parenting problem, faced by parents since kids fought over who would sit on which side of the outside fire and who would carry water from the well. Although it is common, I will take advice on encouraging fair play among my children.
This is a tough mix of ages. At two, a child has not quite grasped the concept of sharing and at four, they have not yet grasped the concept that two year olds think differently.
ReplyDeleteFor you this means you still have to be present during playing time. I don't mean you have to sit there and watch, but you must be available for dispute resolutions. The key is patience. This is the time to model compassion to your 4 year old and sharing for your 2 year old.
Yes, you need to solve their problems. Physical abuse is never acceptable. If the two year old is pulling hair, he gets a time out even if the four year old started it. If the four year old is verbally abusive, he must be reminded of using kind words or take the consequences. (whatever that is in your home)For tears I would suggest kissing them gently and sending them on their way. Lastly, give yourself a break, sometimes you will take sides. Sometimes you'll be wrong. It's okay, your kids will survive.
My apologies for this extremely long comment:)
Nope, I appreciate it. I knew that having them so closely together would result in a few years of very hands-on, intense watching. It is fine, but I do get tired. They play nicely some times and then other times I have to stop physical stuff-shoving, pushing, hair pulling. It is a tough spread, but I just keep working with them. Thanks for the input!
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