Today is the last Friday I will ever be pregnant.
|Pretty much the only maternity picture you're going to see.|
Now I know. And I am tired. I have never enjoyed pregnancy like some women do. Those moms who glow, who have little basketball bellies, they are so cute, so happy.
I'm just not one of them. By the end of my pregnancies, I cannot wear normal shoes and my extra-large maternity clothes get too tight. I drink tons of water, which I'm pretty sure my body stores in my feet and hands, and can't sleep let alone type well. With Ty and Za, I would look at darling pregos and sigh. Even this time, I'm miserable.
I'm also thankful. I know so many women who would do anything (have done everything) to get to this point in pregnancy and have healthy children. I try to look at that perspective. I don't complain on Facebook or my blog because honestly, no one wants to hear it, and I chose this situation. I do appreciate the miracle, the cute little kicks and the heartbeat at the doctor's office. I love my growing child. My hurting body? No.
This time has been different as far as my approach. Unless miracle trumps science, this will absolutely be my final pregnancy. Because I dislike pregnancy, I previously stormed through them. People would ask how far along I was, and I would round up. I was 11 weeks and 1 day? Sounds like the second trimester. I wanted to speed the process.
|My husband's Christmas present. He thought I got him a fancy pen for work. Not quite.|
I'm not ready for the finals that are to come, though. That final time I'll feel a baby kick inside me. The final time I'll hold my newborn for the first time. The final lullaby the hospital will play. The final first ride home, and then tons of first finals. To me, the fun finals are coming, and that is sad, in a weird way.
Maybe that's why I procrastinated announcing this baby on my blog - I wanted to save one last fun "final." I'm grateful I am granted these finals, this baby. Three babies to love, to grow, to teach. And that can be my final mindset for this time in my life.